expectation

expectation is nothing more than hope, until it comes to pass in reality. i've learnt that doesn't always happen, and sometimes holding on to expectation can be a painful experience. it's tiring to be constantly kept in suspense and to keep guessing. it's spirit-shattering when expectation doesn't come to pass.

it's these kind of experiences that tell me to live my own life and simply do what i want to do without any regrets. i wish i could just disregard how other people would seem to judge me or how my actions could affect them. the truth is, this is a shared world, a common society, a community. too many times, i've made my decisions based on others and sold myself short as a result. in retrospect, i couldn't have possibly expected others to be empathetic, or expected them to react favorably. i couldn't have acted all on my own, it would be plainly irresponsible.

does this mean i'm going to shut myself off from the world? impossible. does this mean i'm giving up my dreams? never. but once in a while, it would be nice to see some love, kindness and respect to brighten up my day. just a little would do, i don't think that's expecting too much.