i haven't written anything here for quite a while. i guess it's time to reignite my love for writing since the chance for introspection presents itself.
today was city harvest's 20th anniversary. it was a monumental celebration that packed the entire indoor stadium with lots of performances and of course, the sharing by pastor kong about the church's vision for the next 20 years. sometimes i really admire him for his foresight and ability to plan far into the future. anyway, despite what many critics say about this church, and even some personal reservations of my own, i feel that this church is somewhere i think would challenge me to continually live out my life to its fullest for God - a life of faith for the power of God to move, of purity for the presence of God to linger, a life testament to the great commandment, a life that fulfills the great commission. so often reemphasized, it does sound so cliche and even meaningless, but i'm sure it's a comprehensive guide for a christian to live by if we seriously think about it. moreover, it's difficult to live like that. i'm probably never stop trying.
within and without my mind, only reason, and not faith, seems to always justify my decisions. likely, there are many people who find no trouble in trusting God, but not me. the only times i can recall trusting God were when the situations were desperate or out of my control. whenever i'm empowered and there's a chance that things can go out right (or the way i want it), i find no need to pray about it and place it in God's hands. i'm not going to blame anything or anyone for this terrible flaw but my prideful self who finds it counterintuitive to "let go and let God". it hits me now that life can be so unpredictable, and we also can't take what we have or what we know for granted, and thus everything still falls back into the hands of God. science fails, machines fail, people fail, but God doesn't. no wonder they say you have to learn to trust God, it doesn't come naturally, and still i know i need a lot more time and experience to remember and understand Proverbs 3:5.
in this world where temptations to sin abound, it's hard to keep your heart, mind and soul pure in the eyes of God. everywhere you look, anywhere you go, opportunities to sin are aplenty and sometimes self-control falls short, i'm not ashamed to admit that. no one's perfect and we all sin. somehow it's troubling that many people, myself included, can easily find something bad to do, yet have problems trying to do good. while Jesus has already died and resurrected that sin may no longer have any power over those who believe in Him, i think that making the conscious decision on our part to lay ourselves aside to put on Christ, that this and Christlikeness may come to pass, is another matter altogether. that's why many of us are still caught in the snare of sin. up to now, i haven't been able to put my whole self aside yet. with the realisation of who God is compared who i am, what God has done and what little He asks for, i think it makes for a compelling motivation to start.
not too long ago, grace shared with the connect group leaders on the importance of having a life statement. having given it some thought, i realised in retrospect that mine - to love, to serve and to influence - bears some resemblance to the great commandment (to love God wholeheartedly and to love people fervently) and the great commission (to make disciples of all the nations...). with that, there's a resounding assurance that my life is headed in the right direction if i go this way. yet, it's definitely not the easiest of all directions to take. the bible says that it isn't anything extraordinary if you love people who love you. however, to love your enemies and your critics or the people who no one else likes is easier said than done. it's out of mind, out of instinct, possibly even out of character for some like me. but i guess if that's what Jesus wants, then i just got to swallow my pride (and maybe choke on it because it's so enormous) and try. ultimately after loving and serving, it all comes to naught if the testimony is not expressed and the gospel of Jesus is not shared. i remember that in the past i used to be fervent about talking to others about the saving grace of Jesus Christ - the love, the hope, the experience and the changes one's life undergoes after receiving Him. it may be that my spirit's becoming lukewarm, otherwise dry, however you may describe it. is it because of unanswered questions? unfulfilled dreams? opening my eyes wide to a world antagonistic to principles in the kingdom of God, that sometimes i feel the uncomfortable pressure of going against the grain of things? it dawns on me that the Holy Spirit is here for a reason. my parakletos, He's here to help.
i'm not inclined to conclude matters than to raise them, so that's all and i hope i'll continue to grow in the presence of the Lord.
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