mistake

what do you do when you realise you made a big mistake?

you learn from it.

you make amends, if possible.

but sometimes, it's not easy to forget about it.

and then you question yourself over and over again, was it really a mistake to begin with?

waxing philosophical - why are we here?

When humans try so hard to find out more about the earth - scaling the highest mountains, diving into the deepest seas, braving the harshest weather, even sending shuttles into space - ultimately what we want to find out is who we really are and what we are here for. Perhaps there is a faint glimmer of hope that by discovering every single bit of detail about our surroundings past and present, we can piece together the vast amounts of seemingly unrelated information and form some theories that could give us a hint on our identity. However, it seems that man's effort to do so has yielded little so far, and after so long - reference to the Greek philosophers of old. With the Big Bang theory explaining how this universe came to pass, and Darwin's famous theory of evolution explaining how we, more specifically, came into an insignificant existence (aren't we just a product of evolution?), we would expect to see many confident, self-assured humanistic individuals. Yet, even among the educated elite, it is a rare sight, much less in the general population. Science and logic doesn't seem to give us a convincing sense of life's purpose, at least for now. That's why you see interesting ways to avoid this topic floating around, usually by playing down the importance of life to self - there wasn't any problem before I was born, so there isn't going to be one when I'm gone or something along those lines. Nice try, don't cheat yourself... Then what's the point of living?

Let's look at things simply. What allows us better to find our purpose than looking to our Maker? We can't possibly expect the created to know what its purpose is, when it has not been shown a purpose or has not been led to fulfill it. In addition, what else could have caused the start of all time, space and matter but the God of this universe (that transcends the abovementioned elements)? I can't fathom why so many scientists and researchers, especially metaphysicists, can't bring themselves to accept the existence of a Creator. Perhaps someone could also explain how evolution has been so kind as to give humans - and humans only - rational thought, emotion and spirituality. To speak of random changes in DNA, wherein the good changes have been selected for and passed down... Random? In the first place, I don't think see how simple evolution could cause a possible change in the physical firing and organisation of neurons and synapses in our brains that has led to philosophies of man far deeper than this, or human emotions that exceed that of all other species in variation and intensity. After all, animals have brains too (and hearts if you really want me to put it in). How about our superiority being attributed to social structures that have evolved after long periods of destruction and creation of human society? Monkey world has been around much longer than ours, yet we still see our closest relatives exhibiting most behaviours guided by primal instinct. Surely, a higher power - God - must have done something to intervene.

So please don't say that God doesn't exist or that we are moulded by the forces of nature through evolution, if you know that our purpose cannot be found in science, but in God alone.

OVER!!!

so you had a bad day

try www.fmylife.com. the things in there can get quite screwed but funny nonetheless haha - there's always someone else worse off, count your blessings!

expectation

expectation is nothing more than hope, until it comes to pass in reality. i've learnt that doesn't always happen, and sometimes holding on to expectation can be a painful experience. it's tiring to be constantly kept in suspense and to keep guessing. it's spirit-shattering when expectation doesn't come to pass.

it's these kind of experiences that tell me to live my own life and simply do what i want to do without any regrets. i wish i could just disregard how other people would seem to judge me or how my actions could affect them. the truth is, this is a shared world, a common society, a community. too many times, i've made my decisions based on others and sold myself short as a result. in retrospect, i couldn't have possibly expected others to be empathetic, or expected them to react favorably. i couldn't have acted all on my own, it would be plainly irresponsible.

does this mean i'm going to shut myself off from the world? impossible. does this mean i'm giving up my dreams? never. but once in a while, it would be nice to see some love, kindness and respect to brighten up my day. just a little would do, i don't think that's expecting too much.